McDonald's, Sony Team Up to Boost Sales

Starting June 8, McDonald's will begin a joint venture with Sony in a bid to "tap in to pop culture that appeals to young adults." The promotional program, called Big Mac Meal Tracks will run for six to ten weeks and will help the fast food giant with its image, as well as helping Sony improve its financial outlook.

The deal came about after Sony began seeing a steady decline in sales of its electronics products. The partnership calls for Sony to offer McDonald's food items with sales of its "digital cameras, televisions, and home audio systems," a Sony spokesman said. At a test run of the promotion at a Circuit City store outside Chicago, customers who purchased Sony big screen TVs were asked if they would "like fries with that." Other customers reported being pleased with the hot apple pies they were offered after buying Sony cameras and CD players. One customer, however, who purchased a Happy Meal with his Sony camcorder, became upset after discovering the Disney-sponsored toy he was eagerly anticipating had instead been replaced with an extra set of camcorder batteries.

Saudis Shut Down Terror-Linked Charity

After a string of terrorist attacks in Saudi Arabia, Saudi officials have shut down a charity that it says has ties to terrorism. The charity had been suspected of providing funds to "al-Qaida and related terrorist organizations."

In a statement released today, members of the Saudi government revealed the reasons for the action did not lie with the charity's ties to terrorism, but with the charity itself as a method of funding. "We firmly believe that terrorism should be a business, not a charity," the statement declared. The Saudis recommended that future terrorist funds be directed to money-making companies. "We urge those thinking about donating funds to terror-linked money-laundering charities to instead direct their hard earned money to terror-linked money-laundering corporations."

Microsoft Patents Mouse Double-Click, Viruses

Microsoft was granted a patent on the double-click by the US Patents and Trademark Office on April 27. The patent was granted for launching a function by pressing the "application button multiple times within a short period of time, e.g., double click." Microsoft has said that it will be "seeking to improve earnings from technology" it claims to have invented and will be filing for more patents on that technology.

The double-click patent is the first in a series of "controversial and somewhat frivolous" Microsoft patent applications, according to industry analyst Richard O'Brian. "Microsoft is seeking to patent just about everything they can lay their hands on." Next up for the company, he said, is a patent on "unnecessary software updates." "Microsoft wishes to profit from something they can undeniably be shown to have invented: the unneeded Windows update," said O'Brian, referring to data showing that the average Windows user must update the Windows system "about three to four times per second, sometimes more." Following that, Microsoft intends to file a patent on "computer viruses that cause fatal errors multiple times within a short period of time."

John Kerry Endorses Packers, Bugs, Space

US Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry has become a fan of the Green Bay Packers "in hopes they will bring him luck." Statistics show that the outcome of the Washington Redskins' final pre-election game is an accurate predictor of the presidential election. Hoping that the Packers beat the Redskins, which would indicate that he will win November's election, Kerry told a crowd in Green Bay that he is "the biggest Cheesehead in America."

The move marks a string of unlikely endorsements by Kerry, all in the hopes of bringing a bit of luck to his campaign. Last month, Kerry announced his "absolute and unequivocal support" for the spotted cucumber beetle, a bug that has seen its numbers fluxuate widely throughout the past fifty years. "The spotted cucumber beetle's increasing numbers this year undoubtedly show that I will be successful this November," Kerry said to a group of beetle enthusiasts at a conference outside Washington. In January, Kerry also made public his endorsement of "the vast expanse of space that surrounds our planet." "I really like our galaxy," Kerry told applauding members of the American Astronomical Society. "Actually, I really like the whole universe, and as long as it's around, I feel I am a sure thing to win the upcoming election."