Man Destroys Verizon Store, Says 'Oops'

A man in Fargo, North Dakota, decided to fight back against his cellular provider after he became fed up with with his service. The man, Jason Perala, walked into the Verizon store at the local Fargo mall and proceeded to throw computers and phones, causing $2,000 in damage.

"I kind of regret that I did it, but I hope my message got across," he said. After being arrested, Perala told police that he believes "AT&T will now lower its prices and provide all its customers better service" because of his actions. After the arresting officer informed him that he had demolished a Verizon store, which is not affiliated with AT&T, Perala apologized and asked if he could be released to vandalize the AT&T Wireless store as he had originally intended. Police denied his request and later noted that Perala had been arrested in 2002 for severely damaging a local US Post Office, when he was quoted as saying he was "happy" he had "made FedEx pay" for losing his package.

Study: Brain Prefers Cash, Businesses Respond

A study of the "pleasure center" in people's brains suggests that the brains of those who had to work for their money were more stimulated than those who were simply given money without working for it. The Emory University researchers who conducted the study said that the findings have broad "real-world implications."

"These results are entirely unexpected: who would have thought that people would be so motivated by money? We are confident that this study will profoundly affect standard business models," said Greg Berns, associate professor of psychiatry and behavioral science. Several high-profile companies have already responded to the findings, including Procter & Gamble and IBM. Dennis Lloyd, vice president in employee relations for Procter & Gamble, said that his company would now be making the unprecedented move of paying its employees, changing their standard practice of compensating employees with household items and company products. "This landmark study has helped us to understand that our employees will work harder if we pay them in cash," Lloyd said. "No longer will employees who put in a 40-hour work week be paid with kitchen cleaners and facial soaps." Proctor & Gamble said that the new rules will only apply to full-time workers. "Part-time workers won't get a dime," said Lloyd. "But they will get P & G toothpaste."

China Proposes Law to Assimilate Taiwan

A spokesman for China's Taiwan Affairs Office, said Wednesday that China might adopt a law mandating that rival Taiwan unify with the mainland. "Unification is the common wish of the Chinese people, including Taiwan people," said the spokesman.

Taiwan had no immediate comment about the possible law, but has previously indicated that China has no authority to make laws for Taiwan, which is a separate nation, or any authority to express the wishes of its people, who do, of course, reside in a separate nation. China has proposed similar laws in the past. Last June, a law was proposed mandating that several other countries "unify with the mainland," including Germany, Saudi Arabia, Oregon, Mars, and Saturn. When reporters pointed out that 3 of the 5 proposed unifications do not even involve countries and two involve other planets, China's Interplanetary Affairs Office issued a statement saying that "unification is the common wish of the Chinese people, including Mars and Saturn people."

Court Orders Dad to Stop Having Kids

Judge James L. Kimbler, a county judge in Ohio, ordered a man to avoid having more children while on probation for failing to pay child support. The man, Sean Talty, was convicted of failing to pay $38,000 in child support for three of his seven children by five women. Ohio Supreme Court Justice Evelyn Stratton, while reviewing the case, expressed her doubts that the sentence is reasonable.

"How in the world would a judge enforce this?" Justice Stratton asked. "Is Mr. Talty's probation officer supposed to follow him around everywhere for five years?" A response was issued by Judge James Kimbler that his office would pursue a much simpler option. "Mr. Talty will be prohibited from shaving or showering at any time during his five-year probation," the judge said. "We hope this will be effective in keeping women away from him." Kimbler added that his office has also explored forbidding Talty from brushing his teeth and requiring him to speak only in Pig Latin.

Kentucky High Schools Grow Tobacco

Students at Kentucky's Oldham County High School grow tobacco on school property as part of the school's federally-funded tobacco quota that also involves 39 other Kentucky schools. Shannon White, principal of Montgomery County High School, one of the schools with a tobacco base, defended the practice: "We do anything and everything we can do to try to keep the kids from smoking."

"For example," said White, "we frequently remind the children that the tobacco they are growing is not just being made into cigarettes. It can be used to make many other fine products that society needs, such as snuff, chewing tobacco, and gourmet cigars." When White was asked how he could claim to discourage student smoking while simultaneously encouraging kids to grow tobacco, he said: "It's not like our students are a bunch of crack dealers. I mean, sure, students do grow cocaine on school property as well, but they don't sell it." He then admitted that they do sell it, but he defended the practice, saying "it's government-subsidized."

Woman Discovers Mouse in Vegetable Soup

A woman found a mouse in her vegetable soup as she was eating a Mother's Day lunch in Newport News, Virginia. The Cracker Barrel restaurant where she was dining immediately halted the serving of vegetable soup "at the Newport News restaurant as well as nationally."

"As soon as the problem was discovered, we stopped serving the product," Julie Davis said from Cracker Barrel's suburban Nashville, Tenn., headquarters. "We want to know how this happened," she said. "The mouse was found in a vegetable soup, but everybody knows that a mouse is a fruit, and not a vegetable. I can't stress enough how seriously we view this." Davis added that in the past tomatoes had found their way into Cracker Barrel's vegetable soup, but "since tomatoes are often considered a vegetable, it wasn't much of a problem."