John Kerry Endorses Packers, Bugs, Space

US Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry has become a fan of the Green Bay Packers "in hopes they will bring him luck." Statistics show that the outcome of the Washington Redskins' final pre-election game is an accurate predictor of the presidential election. Hoping that the Packers beat the Redskins, which would indicate that he will win November's election, Kerry told a crowd in Green Bay that he is "the biggest Cheesehead in America."

The move marks a string of unlikely endorsements by Kerry, all in the hopes of bringing a bit of luck to his campaign. Last month, Kerry announced his "absolute and unequivocal support" for the spotted cucumber beetle, a bug that has seen its numbers fluxuate widely throughout the past fifty years. "The spotted cucumber beetle's increasing numbers this year undoubtedly show that I will be successful this November," Kerry said to a group of beetle enthusiasts at a conference outside Washington. In January, Kerry also made public his endorsement of "the vast expanse of space that surrounds our planet." "I really like our galaxy," Kerry told applauding members of the American Astronomical Society. "Actually, I really like the whole universe, and as long as it's around, I feel I am a sure thing to win the upcoming election."