Turkey's Entry into EU Not 'Desirable'

French President Jacques Chirac announced that Turkey is not yet ready to enter the European Union. Chirac told reporters that Turkey must first meet certain "conditions" before being granted admission to the EU.

The most important of these conditions, Chirac announced, include "issues ranging from human rights to judicial reform to resolving the age-old question of Istanbul vs. Constantinople." The French president confessed that he has long been confused between the two names for Turkey's most famous city. "I once had a date in Constantinople," Chirac revealed at the gathering in Paris. "My associates told me that she was waiting in Istanbul, but why did Constantinople get the works?" Several of those present at the announcement informed Chirac that "even old Paris was once named Lutecia," but the name was changed because "people just liked it better that way."